Thursday, 1 December 2011

Endless thoughts!!


Standing on the shore
Throwing pebbles ...
Creating ripples
Thinking... is it??.. rather stopping myself to think anything at all.
Forcing myself to comprehend all..
Behaving strange, makes me wonder "Is it actually me?"..

The mirror is a deceiver .. shows my clone
Who appears to be much more calm than actually I am.
Endless thoughts penetrate my little brain..
Dark eyes gloomy with pain.
All is lost and there is nothing to gain
Every time I get up, my spirit is slained..

Sleepless nights and countless stars..
Strange, unfathomable darkness.
Living the past.
Have all the good moments 'Gone with the wind'??.. I just wanna ask.

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Hibernation!!


Hibernation, couldn’t we human beings go for it once, a couple of times would do good too. When life becomes stressful and your hands are full, you just need some time for yourself desperately but to spice up the situation and dramatizing it a bit, a list of complains are to be dealt with. One is showered with such dialogues, “You don’t have time for me”, “I am no more there in your priority list”, It seems u forgot us” and blah blah blah…..the list goes on and on. Argh!   Give me a break.

At times when we imagine hypothetical situations we believe any issue no matter how melodramatic can be handled with ease but when the reality dooms over us, the best solutions that appeals us is sleeping over it. Doing everything possible, except pondering over the POINT!!.

Lately I have been observing this that every homo sapien, no matter how strong mentally, wants solace by detaching oneself from the world. A way to absorb the pain in yourself and to bury it deep, never to shoot it out. It does help and that fact cannot be denied. When things are not in your favour and you are in a dilemma, I feel like running away somewhere. Just one thought crosses my mind, how I would love to watch someone walk into my shoes and do the need full. Judging, praising and criticizing under the invisible cloak. How different it would have been to see the unknown, when the road not taken is opted......

Thursday, 9 June 2011

a confession of a 20 something..........

Teenage has ended,stepping on my 20's, and yes surely wishing for a hottie. Till now, I liked no one, a little crush here and there was sure fun. Any Tom, Dick and Harry cannot be my choice. I pray "oh!! cupid find me a sexy voice". A perfect picture I have in my mind, adjustments are required is known, but yes the best fit is what I should own.

My friends in a relation says that to be single is the best thing, but I want to commit the sin of experiencing it. Not shy to express my thought, life is short, so I can demand a lot. The thing is good or bad, have no clues about that, but yes to me it is like an attractive candy floss. Trying out different flavours is not my style, I try my luck always in any enterprise. So long it has been, that I have been satisfied, I envy all the couple tribe. A driver will also not be in my faith, my friends say that on my face. Its not that I am ugly, but the choices are fugly.



A long list of do's and don't, I want my man to follow, dont wana pick a man who will bring me sorrow. Presently a short lived fun is what I want, but for my Mr.Perfect I can wait, wait for long. Whether its hours, days or years I want the perfect man to wipe my tears. Joy or sadness I will share with him, wanna feel like a small kid, when he scholds me. Will feel there is someone, on whom I can always rely, a shoulder upon which I can cry. Knowingly will do mistakes, to keep him with me in every phase. My daddy long legs, if mature, will love and care for me, dats for sure.
The list of qualities is endless, but the patience I have is matchless. My eyes are open and I am looking for one.
Teenage is over, stepping on my 20's and wanna have some fun...

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Saccharin...

A little strange is what I witness everyday,
The pain and suffering comes in different ways..
Knocking on your door when u least expect,
Surprising u in every aspect..
I welcome them with open arms,
'coz I love the drama and storm..
Filmy scenes are good on the screens,
not in my life,
beacuse its not a dream..
Missing in my life is a little saccharine,
oh!! spare me u Evil Divine..
Enough I had is what I conclude,
Ohh!!! Mood Swing
a hug and goodbye is what I offer u...

Friday, 27 May 2011

I don't wanna go home


Checking out.."whats the time?"
its  late, I dont wanna go home..
earphones plugged in...listening to my song...
aimlessly roaming ...
I dont wanna go back home ...
its sunny and hot..
 people say..."go home"...
but the last thing on my mind is going home....


In and out
my whole world is upside down..
and I dont wanna go back...
the whole night my eyelids dont pat..
is it daylight or is it the night's attack...???????????
i don't wanna know..
its one..its two...the night passes by...
so does the days..
I want them back...



Just like the sand in my hand...
days come and days go...
I am losing control..
and I dont wanna let him go...
I turn the lights off... 'coz I am getting low..





ohh!!!..please come back...
I am very slow...
I am crying and am feeling low...
I dont care if I dont wanna go home...
if u are there I can survive..i know...

Its late but the last thing in my mind is going back home......

Sunday, 24 April 2011

a lost thought

socha tha ek ashiya banane ka....
sitaro se ghar sajane ka..
tut gaya tara, sath dil ki murad bhi...
par man na mane
is dard ki chnkar bhi....

Thursday, 21 April 2011

We are fine..

We are fine.
things are no more the same,
still,
we are fine.



We get irritated with each other,
still,
we are fine.


We are waiting for the other to call,
but we ourself dont pick the phone to call,
still,
we are fine.




We know we are ignoring each other,
still,
we are fine.

We know we have nothing to talk,
still,
we are fine.

We allways fight
still
we are fine.


We dont have smile on our face,
seeing the love of our life's name blinking,
still,
we are fine.


We start doubting each other and say,
still,
we are fine.


We realise the relation is ruinning,
still,
we say,
we are fine.


We know there is nothing left,
still,
we say,
"WE ARE FINE"...............



ARE WE ACTUALLY FINE????????
OR IS IT THE FEAR OF LOSING THE OTHER,
THAT MAKES US BELIEVE THAT WE ARE FINE.......
the bond..

 

Saturday, 26 March 2011

change.....

Time and again there has been onething that surely has not left me, at any foot step. And that is "misconception". Its like my shadow that follows me everywhere, no matter where I go. I always tried my level best to get rid of it, but my dear friend is too attached, to leave me all by myself. Its just like the fevicol ka jor, 'tutega nai".

In my teens, I always used to be troubled by the fact, that why is it, that its always me whom people dont tend to understand. I seriously thought things where wrong with me, but now when I sit to think over it, I dont know why, I feel, it was vice versa. We always try to explain others the real THING. But till when will we keep on doing it, till when??... there will be no end to it. Pleading and begging, clarifying that I am not wrong, is no more my cup of tea. If you are giving importance to all the crap what others say, justifies only onething, that you dont have faith in yourself.

 Long gone are the days, when people thought they could shake or break me. If you don't want to understand, I simply don't want to explain. Feel free to have any notion about me, 'coz in any way this wont effect my life. I live life, as I want to, you do the same, then where lies the problem. As time passed I understood onething, that the ball is not always in your court, if people are against you accept it, they want you to react but dont give them what they want, and at the end, with no other way left, they will stop. "I cried the whole day, when one ofmy good friend stopped talking to me all of a sudden." said one of my friends. Onething that she should have understood was, her friend was never a good friend, if she would have been she wouldnt have left her for some flaws. We take vows when we get married, one of them is that "we will stay together in good or in bad", friendship also has this vow in its rule book, unspoken and unproclaimed. The people who want to walk out of our life, will eventually do it, no matter how much you try and hold them back. It just that, its hard to believe, but we are helpless. If your good friend walks out of your life, how long do you think you will shed tears?????????. You have to except the fact that they are no more a part of your life and that they are not interested to be one. Its of no use to wait for something that has gone with the wind.  When we miss the chance to catch a bus, we simply curse our luck and wait for the other one to come, shouldnt we implement the same in our life. Accept life as it comes, whether good or bad.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Breaking and Making...........




With a bruised heart and cut hands, we always say.."NEVER AGAIN. Never again,i will allow anyone to hurt me so badly. There will be a no second time"..Determined to put a full stop to our lives, thinking it to be the "the end"..But eventually, we realize it was just a comma and a passing phase, leaving us stronger than ever.

Heart breaks are common, but whats not common is the way people take it. Crying for days, locking oneself in a room, are usually the negative after effects for girls, and for boys they find solace in listening to music or by breaking stuffs(specially cell phones). The block buster one is deleting one's social network account, detaching oneself from the world and mourning for the dead relation. The worst cases are not these though. The ones who actually are having a miserable time are those people, who have a broad smile on their face. The general notion being that "they are not bothered", but trust me its the other way round. Hidding their grief, with extention on the lips is the saddest soul on the earth at that juncture.
Some say that, why would one choose to do so,its just a wrong perception. I just have one explaination, they dont want their sadness to act as a negative catalyst in someone elses life. Following the slogan, "live and let live."


The funny part for some girls being..that more than the grief of losing someone its more about whom will we blame for every little thing that goes wrong except for god,goverment and politics..."u are responsible for this"...will be a line that we wont be able to excrete from our system, leading to constipation jokes apart. We feel good when we blame others for the ups and down in our life.


The hope for things getting back to normal is something which is not very volatile. People dont get rid of it easily. There is a variation in the time span, for people to come out of the breaking stage and to enter into the making stage. One of my friend took somewhat 3 years to come out of it completely and move on. After the annoucement that he made, that he had finally moved on, his way of expressing  his happiness was "yes!!! yes!!! yes!!!!!..at last I did it". Hard it was, but the joy he got, after leaving his past far behind was unexplainable. Breaking up can be bad, but the making process of a different human being has to be better. The main ingredient being, the will to move on and accept life as it comes. With open arms i welcome both Sadness and happiness, to top it up with I have a little thrill and curiousity, to know whats instored more for me by FATE. A heart break doesnt stop you from breathing, then why to stop "living life king size"....
 And yes with a new zeal to experience the upcoming possible brand new relation,
I toast for the single heart broken women... ;-)   

Sunday, 20 March 2011

missing people who are missing in your life...is that normal?

One of my friend was in a dilemma. She had this question in her mind,
 "is missing people who are missing in are lives quite normal?"
People tried to answer her question, so did I, but somewhere it made me think about it deeply.
How many people were there in my life who were an important part in these 20 years but are not now..!?
I dont know, I really couldn't sit and recall everything, or to put it better everybody.

The next question in my mind was..What should be the intensity of missing someone??
It does depends on the level of importance one has had in our lives, but more than that, it is a fact that plays a vital role and that is how much have we moved on?! Someone said its hard in d beginning and its okay to miss d freshly sliced part of your soul, but later on, crying over something which is long buried is abnormal. But cant we just shed a tear, and miss d person normally, may be even remembering the happy times??.. is that hard??.. the answer every individual has is different. "Depends on the level of importance ....If it is good ridance of garbage then dnt" was the answer for someone but for me, "it depends....emotions sway us away many a times to wrong directions, we shouldn't go for it.........but yes if missing the person who had a major place in your life and sumwhat is the reason for emptiness..dont stop the feeling...feel every bit of it"..its like if we can laugh over the happy times why not at the sad ones..enjoy every bit of your life and face it as it comes.






If its, the gifts and souvenirs that we are ready to keep aside, away locked in a box, its 'cos we never want to have an encounter with it. We simply are running away, but we forget that its just an action which doesn't hold much of importance. Somewhere somehow you can be reminded of the past, probablity being 1, and the souvenirs will have no role to play at all. Then whats the use of doing it when just the flash of the name pushes us back in the past??. People think that, if it has got to do with relation then the future life partner might have a problem. But isn't that a shield we are using, rather corvette to protect  ourselves from the attack of other's who still believe that at the end of the day "WE ARE BOTHERED". We are ready to move on and experience new memories instore but new one's can never take the place of the old one's. Every one has a distinct place in our life. May be their value decreases with time.
We are great liers, but the reality never changes. It remains rock solid...
and yes its normal..

Saturday, 19 March 2011

the changing phases..

being in ur twenty's always makes us feel that we are mature enough to understand everything. But are we??..especially when it comes to relations..do we actually know what exactly we need in our
Mr.Right. or rather even if we know, are we ready to negotiate...do we know till where??.. to frame it in a better way...till when..??coz when reality dawns on the fact that in the beginning we are just ready to do anything and everything, but as it moves forward we get so bugged at lil things...its more of "y me and not u"..."y i have to do everything".."its me who is always blamed" ..and finally...from "us" again it shifts focus to "u and me"..

some might think that its time to say goodbye, but no i dont think so.. just a lil polishing and there will be a rendezvous with ur fresh romantic relation again...SPICY AND JUICY..and a smile whenever d name blinks.

May be we dont have a Mr.Right for us, then what should we do stay single throughout our life..or just go on having a gala time in life with anybody and everybody...just like Samantha did.  Somewhere in d corner of our heart we like it when things are filmy in our life..but the crest and troughs are not easy to handle nad thats for sure. Someone somewhere had told me " if u want 2 and 2 to be 4, it will be..there is nothing to think about.. d word sacrifice wont creep in ur mind also. But if u force urself to do something it will be a 5".
 Thank u Dr.Sen i just got the answer i was searching for.